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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24828280">Snap</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdamnuchiha/pseuds/thatdamnuchiha'>thatdamnuchiha</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Snippets, Ideas &amp; Oneshots [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Author Is Sleep Deprived, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Crack, Deadpool AU, Fourth Shinobi War, Haruno Sakura is a Little Shit, One Shot, Other, Sakura is Basically Deadpool, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, This ENTIRE thing is crack, Uchiha Sasuke Is So Done, Uzumaki Naruto is So Done</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:13:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24828280</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdamnuchiha/pseuds/thatdamnuchiha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>His goal was in reach – victory almost assured as he cut down their beloved teammate right in front of them. A crushing blow, or so he thought, up until she got back up.</p><p>Or, the Sakura-is-basically-Deadpool AU that absolutely no one asked for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Snippets, Ideas &amp; Oneshots [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1320806</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>498</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Of Fluff and Crack, The Many Iterations of Haruno Sakura</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Snap</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is what happens when I write at 1am on a diet of chocolate and coca cola.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was close.</p><p>He could almost taste it – victory was in reach. <em>Peace would be achieved, </em>he though viciously, stepping over the corpse of Naruto’s pink-haired teammate. It was something floral, her name, not that it mattered much. She was just another casualty on the path for peace.</p><p>“It’s over, Naruto,” he spoke, smiling in anticipation of the fight he would put up. His teammate had just been brutally cut down in front, and there was no way he would take that lying down. Madara knew that much about him. He’d watched the both of them fight long enough to glean that much information from them.</p><p>Oddly enough, neither looked particularly horrified by the sight of their dead teammate – not the way he wanted them to be. <em>Angry shinobi were far more easy to anticipate and disable. </em>Instead they looked resigned. Sasuke went so far as to look disgusted, but not because of his teammate’s corpse – or so he figured seconds later as he felt the impact against his crotch.</p><p>An impact which would have had devastating consequences had he not been the ten-tails jinchuuriki at that moment in time.</p><p>“<em>Cock shot!</em>”</p><p>Naruto buried his face in his hands.</p><p>Sasuke’s nose twitched.</p><p>Madara blinked.</p><p>Sakura groaned as her wrist snapped, and she fell back, ignoring her teammates’ exasperation with what was a practiced ease – or so Madara decided. “Konoha!” she hissed, cradling her broken limb, glaring down at it for a few moments before she turned her stare on him. “Damn, what are those things made out of…” she muttered. “Your poor wife.” A smile cracked at her lips, a sly, mocking one. “Oh wait. I forgot. You never had one of those, did you?”</p><p>“You’re still alive,” Madara murmured, staring at the bloodied hole in her shirt where he had stabbed her. It should have been a killing blow, considering the diamond seal on her forehead hadn’t been released. He’d thought her a fool for charging in without releasing it, though he was left with no choice but to reconsider the pupil of the Fifth Hokage.</p><p>“Really, now?” She grinned. “I hadn’t guessed. But seriously, it’ll take more than that to change topics… or are you just <em>that</em> uncomfortable talking about the fact that you’re still a virgin?”</p><p>Naruto choked on his spit. “Please stop talking, Sakura-chan.”</p><p>“Hn.”</p><p>“But we’re having such a <em>wonderful </em>conversation here, Naruto,” Sakura declared, tilting her head as she sized up their opponent. “I don’t know why, but I’m somehow suddenly getting <em>daddy issue </em>vibes.” She hummed under her breath. “Anyone who—”</p><p>Madara stabbed her through the head.</p><p>Sakura pouted amidst the mumbles about the unicorns and rainbows apparently filling her vision. “Huh, so I was right…” she slurred. “<em>Daddy issu—ak!”</em></p><p>Madara twisted the black rob embedded in her head.</p>
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